Well, I have arrived…in Okinawa that is.  I was apprehensive about my flight to Tokyo.  I just couldn’t fathom how 14 hours was going to go in coach with my RLS.  So, when I checked into LAX I inquired about an upgrade to First Class…and that was about 10,000 dollars!!!!  Okay.  So, ECONOMY IT IS!!  But I got even luckier.  My own row!!!!!  This is the way to travel.  Lying down.  Perfect. However, the flight from Tokyo to Okinawa was first class, and to be honest…I really missed my row.  

I left LA on Mon and Im here in Okinawa on Thursday…and it’s Thanksgiving here!  I get to eat my pumpkin pie a day early. (Although I may fall asleep doing it!…this time change is crazy!) I like pie.  I don’t like turkey.  You have to put so much stuff on turkey to make it taste good; LIKE STEAK!!!!  AND HAM!!!!  But pie is always perfect!  The downside to this time change is that I have to watch my Dallas Cowboy game at 5 am tomorrow!!! 

So, we get to the base and do the govt. check in.  Then we go to the store where I scope out my future audience.  Eighteen year old marines.  I know I’m gonna be a hit with all my mommy jokes!  CRAP!!!  Actually I heard that all ranks were a comin’.  I don’t know if I want the airforce at my shows either.  I mean they have all that…that…High IQ….stuff going on.  Besides the last fighter pilot I dated was the worst man choice EVER!  He actually became a commercial pilot and that wasn’t much better.  Playa!!!!  Always trying to smooth me over when he was ‘busy’…he would say he was ‘workin’….probably that layover in Michelle that had him all tied up!!! 

Anyway, I am here on base and its gonna be…wild…fun….no matter what!  I am honored to be here.  I am honored to have been invited here.  I look forward to doing my very minor duty of entertaining the troops the best I can…and hopefully make their day a little brighter. 

….now for pie….

 I was honored to have been part of a very special marathon comedy show for Max Alexander. A fellow comedian that needed some financial help to cover some medical expenses. I watched Max when I was starting out in comedy twenty years ago , and he made me laugh out loud even days later remembering his act.  I echo all these sentiments in regards to being a comedian.  I feel that it is my one gift.   I received this note from Max and wanted to share it….

Dear Friends,

I love being a comic! For 5 tough years , the laughs kept me going. I’m talking about the laughter from the people. What we do is magic. We can take the pain, the sorrow, the crap life throws at people… and make them forget about it for a few minutes…. for headliners 45-60. I was embarrassed when I got into trouble. Make note to self. Never try to buy a kidney from a guy you meet in a Ralph’s parking lot. I’m not saying I did that. But, that’s why you have lawyers. But with all the love and support, I’ve received from my peers, i’ve never been so proud to be a comic, thank G-d. I hope in the next couple of months, with the Doctors permission, I can start back on stage, if they know who I am. With great humility… and the strongest smile in 5 years, Love, Max…. STAND-UP COMIC!!

Still reeling from an UNBELIEVABLE day yesterday; which included the taping of my second episode for my dream show at the salon …and the funniest comedy night at Players to date!!  Wow!  First of all the shows have been PACKED and SOLD OUT which makes me so proud to be producing this A-room. Secondly, the audiences really know how to be a comedy audience! Lastly, all of the comedians have KICKED ASS!

Last night was particulary incredible…I booked all headliners Bob Fernandez, Myk Powell, Paul Ogata and a special guest TJ Young.  TJ contacted me on myspace sometime ago asking for ‘advice to be a comedian’.  He attended our last months performance at Players and afterwards asked if I could watch his  youtube video of his debut performance that was taped in HIS CHURCH!…  I was FLOORED! Nine minutes of killer material.  TJ has Cerebral Palsey.  He poked fun at his handicap, himself and the idiotic things that people say and do when they meet him.  His material is strong, his punchlines and tags hit hit hit.  So, I told him I would love to have him at my show for his second performance.  HE ROCKED!  STANDING OVATION!!!!  I was soooooo proud of him!  Unreal moment. People were cheering and crying- the happy tears ;)….it was AMAZING!!!   Thankfully it was all being taped professionally from my video crew.

The salon taping was so smooth!  Sooooo funny!!  Nothing is better than working with comedians.  The banter is hysterical.  The road stories are super crazy…I know this is gonna be something special very very soon!

Here are a couple of pictures from the salon and after the Players Show!
Can’t wait for all the footage to be edited!!!  Back to the MAC…

August 16, Time:  When the roosters crow….early!!….Just reflecting at…ahem….4:33 am….

Actually  I have been up working on editing my new webisode project.  After almost twenty years of this idea swirling in my head; it’s finally coming to reality.  The first episode taped in July.  Second episode tapes Aug. 20. I can’t wait till the project is done….Unfortunately 5 hours of editing was deleted through a power outage…and I am technologically challenged so when I got my new Mac powered up, the files were gone.  Yes I checked everything!  Auto Vault….GONE!!  And yes I hit Save every 10 minutes!!!  GONE I SAY!!!  Don’t like my Mac right now….

More importantly, I performed at a marathon comedy benefit to help raise money for a fellow comedian Max Alexander.  The marathon took place at the Throckmorton Theater in Mill Valley recently and I was really impressed with the line up, accomodations, and the supporters of Max and live comedy.   I think we raised roughly $5,500 to help Max with his medical bills.  I love the Throckmorton Theater.  Love Mark Pittta.  Love all the comedians that were there to sell their souls for a good cause.

Hope to get the editing done (again)…gotta get back to my Mac…which I really don’t find all that intuitive.  I think I am a Windows girl.  But as I sit here working on two computers I also have to wonder what the hell is with the burning hot technology?  Both my computers and my external hard drive and my phone are all like little portable heaters.  Has anyone considered designing a “lap burner protector thingy”  I just might.  And call it just that, Lap Burner Protector THINGY!!! With a slogan , “Stop Roasting Your  Ovaries…”
I know a guy that invented an amphibious airplane that you just fold up and put in a suitcase….or something like that. Where is the Lap Cooler?   Stacking two pillows on my lap and then the computer still does not help.  (because I am typing in bed)  I will not disclose what I am wearing.  But I do know that Mark Pitta’s blog is “Typing in my Underwear”…..hint hint….

Alrighty…how about a recap…Lizette?…..I will title my blog, “Rambling in My Underwear”…..Hope to have my webisode out soon…and I think Max would be proud of us all for getting stage time on his behalf ;).

…..Can’t believe I get to live this mini dream within the reality series of my life!!
Just my favorite picture from the first webisode taping…Starring Mrs. Hughes, Jonny Loquasto, Dave Burleigh….and my three monkeys…

One of my favorite shows I performed at was in the OC last year, Mamapalooza. It is an afternoon event that showcases MOTHERS in the ARTS. Primarily the performers are Musicians; thus the reasoning for the “Moms Rock” logo on all the apparel. I happened to LOVE the idea. I wore one of the shirts and got an insane amount of attention just walking through the Vegas airport. I decided to design a similar line of clothes, change the logo a bit, put some sparkle on it, and add the phrase “Live well…laugh hard!” THAT is the story behind MOMS ROCK! Not to say that moms don’t rock in general. Just “MOMS ROCK” has another meaning…and that is it!!!

This new law for the bluetooth headset is ridiculous!  Is it really safer for the 99% of Americans that don’t know how to USE IT???  So, now when they are driving while listening to their GPS, applying lipgloss, drinking coffee, singing, and getting sidetracked by the cell phone ringing; they can then begin attempting to answer a call.   First they fumble with their ear, while the device falls into their lap, proceed digging around their crotch trying to find it, attempt to put it back on their head…most likely hit “MUTE” in process…and then discover the call went to voicemail!!!   This is just an updated scenario for the cigarrette cherry that falls off and keeps one flailing around in their seat to put out the little dot of lava burning a hole in their lap.  Basically it is still legal to smoke, talk, eat, apply mascara, shave, read, masturbate, sing, reprimand your kids, text annnnnd drive; but don’t talk on your cell phone.

I had to sit back for a day and let the happenings up to June 28th just sink in. I live in a small town, you don’t expect much to happen on a daily basis. You wait for the midstate fair once a year…. not entertainment career opportunities to drop in your lap.

Well, I head to the gym and run into a morning DJ Dick Mason that explains that there is a comedy show happening for 1dreamfoundation benefit and I should open. Within a day….I am opening. Turns out I am opening for Jon Lovitz and D.L. Hughley. Crazy.

Then the Tribune paper posted the show in the Ticket/entertainment section of paper and used all of my 8 x 10 headshot. ALL OF IT. I thought it would be a 2 inch pic. When I turned to my article I jumped back a bit when I saw it. But the crazier part is that on the opposite side of my article was the tribute to George Carlin. Here I am feeling the beginnings of something great on my career path; then a glance away is the ending of a lifetime legacy of comedy.

The show was held in a Costco esq setting. Huge wherehouse with a pretty chateau facade. I quipped on stage that I dressed for the “front of the building”. Anyway, I met Andrew Kennedy who I connected with immediately. He was really that easy kind of funny. We both had three children and both had an Aidan/Ayden….I really enjoyed him, his act and his professionalism.

The stage was put up in this big square steel box building with black curtains on each side. Andrew on one side and Jon and DL on the other. So, I could pin point where the comedian laughs were coming from. And given the company I was in…was VERY important to me. My set wasn’t off the hook like the vision I had in my head….but good. I could hear little chuckles from behind me which fueled me a bit on stage.

I watched Jon work. This was the first time I watched Jon do stand up. Everyone has their style. Just the sound of his voice was funny. His material was not too edgy or unique. Just raw silly dirty funny. Finally D.L. hit the stage. This was definitely a D.L. crowd. They loved him. He is fast. He is funny. His improv was right on. He rocked.

Afterwards D.L. had some words of advice. They made sense. I think he just thought I should push more for the real story in my bits than adding what he called, “fluff” to the ending. Which leaves the audiences kind of wanting more closure….sort of…. But the words that resonated with me were the words when he said that he felt I was on the verge ‘ of greatness’. He also added that he had no dog in this fight…. soooo he really was just handing out genuine advice.

Then D.L. decided he was hungry and wanted pizza. So he jumped into his limo with his posse and met me and my posse at Woodstocks pizza. The college staff was enjoying the fact he popped in. D.L. also asked if he could make his own pizza. Here is the King of Comedy whippin up a SLO Town Sneak…..sausage and all the fixings. Soooo funny!!!

Who knew this little town was going to be such a network of possibilities!!! Next up….three weeks till the mid state fair and Fergalicious!!! Maybe I will open for her next…..Been working on my onstage one handed front walkover!!!

Soooooooooooo many fun things have been going on in my life….first it was Crackle that announced me as the Highwire winner, and now I’m the central coast ‘MILF’ woooo hoooo!  I was coaxed into submitting an entry for the KZOZ central coast MILF competition…which is an acronym  for ‘Man I’d Like to Forget’ (if you are my fourteen year old daughter reading this)  Who would think I could win at Forty!  There were some younger and sexier competitors too.  One chick had such HUMUNGO fake hooters you would have had to refer to them as  “OUTPLANTS”.   Towards the last call in voting session that lasts for 93.3 seconds; I was pretty tired of hearing my own name.  But my friends and supportive listeners had my back fo sure!!  A great perk of winning this competition was getting to do a photoshoot for the KZOZ Rockgirl calendar.   Brittany App of Apps Photography was AMAZING!!  She captured some really fun moments and represented me pretty well.  The most fun was shooting on the beach where my daughter brought a Victoria Secret catalog and hoped I would do some similar shots.  I crawled in the sand after frolicking in the 60 degree water.  (Really I just needed to warm up)  while my daughter yelled, “work it mom!”  Not quite VS yet we did have a little wardrobe malfunction.  I have attached the pic…my “boob” cover up is peeking out my bathing suit.  Hey, it was cold, and I had to put something in my bikini top from making me look like there were a pair of icicles poking out!!!  We all laughed so much!  A few of those candid moments are in the calendar.  Anyway, Brittany did a little blog on my and I have attached it here.

Also had a beautiful spa day at the Tachi palace where I relaxed in the cabana by the pool and then had a big steak and potatoe dinner…ummmmmmmmmmm..

Winning isn’t everthing….but you can’t beat FFFRRREEEEEEEEEE!!!  Thanks KZOZ and Brittany, you guys ROCK!!!JUNE 12, 2008

skip to main | skip to sidebarBelow is Brittany’s Blog: through my eyes…

I admit that I cannot take an adult size multi vitamin if I am by myself.  I am convinced that it will lodge in my throat in the attempt to swallow it, therefore choking me out, then dissolve…and leave the coroner totally perplexed on my cause of death.

So, I purchased the lifetime supply of chewable childrens dinosaur vitamins from Costco and share them with my 5 year old.

For the past week I have been sweeping up this peculiar colored “dust” all over the pantry floor.  I go in to the pantry pop two chewables, sweep, leave. Recently I poured one out without even checking it’s color….which is rare because I hate the grape ones….and it was WET….eewwwwwwwwwwwwwww   hmmmm??
What the?????  Oh well… down the hatch….

Today, I notice my five year old has been in the pantry doing “something”.  I imagine it to be the clue to my mystery. I stand over his shoulder to witness him dumping the entire bottle of vitamins on to the pantry FLOOR so he can sort out his favorite colored dinosaur and promptly scoop ALL THE VITAMINS OFF OF THE FLOOR, and PUT THEM BACK IN THE BOTTLE…. THUUUUUSSS the reason for the colored dust.  Then I proceed to watch him grab a purple one…taste it…and decide he too hates GRAPE….and toss it back into the bottle.

Groooooooossssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

A quick shout out to myspace!  Seriously, I would have to say that over 90% of my networking and gigin has developed through myspace.  Even though it’s a huge hassle to type in some funky heiroglyphics when I just want to leave a friggin’ comment or send an email…it’s been worth it.

My new comedy thrill ride is happening through CRACKLE.com.  Originally I was invited to upload a video to their site which would help with some extra exposure and be entered in the Highwire competition.  Well….a couple weeks after uploading, I became a finalist annnnnnnnnd as of Friday, the WINNER of the first Crackle Highwire competition.  I DO HATE COMEDY COMPETITIONS. Yes. However, winning one is fan-f**king-tastic.  Even if there were only TWO competitors.  And unfortunately that other comic died….unexpectedly….KIDDING!!!

The call from Crackle’s president (that was being video taped with the Crackle staff in the room) to announce my winning was a crack up in itself.  I happen to be preoccupied at the moment he called….and I asked if I could get back to him later.  Then I heard a barely audible….”uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh okay”.   Shocked that I just ‘hung up’ on Crackle….I called back two minutes later to hear the good news!  Wow!

It’s been a quick sort of whirlwhind of information, interviews, video tapings and hoopla!  So exciting!  I will get to work at the Improv in Chicago soon….which is a venue I have been waiting to work at.

It’s hard enough to get work…or shall I say quality work in this industry.  And to work the Improv is a definite right of passage.  It’s synonomous with comedy.  I look forward to the opportunity.

Just  a quick blog because it’s amazing what can happen when you just put yourself out there…kudos to myspace!

Live well…..laugh hard!